1) Be angry and bitter
2) Be confused about what others think about them
3) Assume the worst
4) Have inflated self-images
5) Use faith for hyper-justification of isolation and their lack of cooperation with others
6) Escape into sin
7) Give themselves lots of wiggle room
8) Give others no grace
9) Not know how to break out from their isolation
10) Not take full, personal responsibility for their isolation
There are probably more things that could be added to this list. Isolation is rampant and devastating, but it is not incurable. The breakout cure for isolation is something I'll call "Relationship Responsibility" (RR). Someone who takes RR cuts off the self pity cycle essential for isolation. Self pity is like alcohol, so it can't just be eliminated, it has to be replaced. Other forms of responsibility can be used for this. It works to take responsibility for one's emotions, time-usage, mental activity, speaking, media-intake, diet, physical condition, or spiritual tone. All of these responsibilities have the potential of becoming healthy addictions. The key to everything healthy is to prevent blame fixing. This is the point of RR. As soon as you have someone to blame for how you feel, you are lost. The cross of Christ helps believers not only shift the blame for their sins to Christ, but also the blame for the sins of everyone else against them. It's a handy thing God does here. He makes it possible for us to live blameless lives, in every sense of the word blameless: not bearing our own blame and not assigning any blame to others. A blameless person is never alone and cannot be isolated.
Yes, Christ has taken our blame and shame, HALLELUJAH!
ReplyDeleteI like solitude. I choose to isolate myself not because of any shame, guilt, or elevated ego I simply enjoy being alone. I'm not a workaholic, nor am I pressed for time. I can't say I'm indifferent to someone else's pain, suffering, or need, if I can do something to help I'll do it. Yet I don't feel the need to have a friend or friends. Maybe, I got it all wrong, most people feel that a person/friend/family who calls to check up on them or to keep them company or to simply "hang out", is a good person. I feel a good person is the one who leaves me alone, does not intrude my time or space, does not expect to keep me on the phone for hours, vomiting pointless chatter about politics, tragedies, or gossip. When it comes to a tragic event I feel that if I can't help, it is pointless for me to know about someone's need. Although, I'm happy being with myself, and do not find my own behavior strange, many family members have commented that my behavior is strange. Their opinions do not bother me, but I have often prayed, and have asked God to change my behavior if it is causing someone anguish, or pain. I know that I come across as an uncaring person. Still, I must confess that I am the happiest when I am with myself. If I obligated myself to act social, to invite company over, and pretended to enjoy it, I would be a hypocrite. When family, or an "acquaintance", shows up or calls and leaves a message announcing the intentions to visit, it is a source of stress for me, I feel invaded and see them as intruders. Of course I go through the motions of being a good hostess, if I have no choice, but in no way do I end up enjoying the visit. I feel this way even towards the people I love. Is this behavior a sin?
ReplyDeleteBeing an introvert is not a sin. It may be something you need to examine and process more than you have. The key is to learn how to do people things and to love people as yourself. It is important not to hide or hide behind your wired-in social preferences. Have you taken a Myers-Briggs personality test? If not, you may find it affirming and enlightening. (Contact me off line, if you need contact information on someone who can administer this test for you.)
ReplyDeleteAll of us need to work at being authentic in how we connect with others. Extroverts are often seen as "good with people," when, in fact, they can be just as isolated and surrounded with themselves. Pointless chatter is sometimes a shield.